Wow, okay. God has done so much in my life already. And that's crazy amazing. He's so Awesome!
I know sometimes reading other people's testimonies can be boring and seem like a waste of time. But testimonies can change lives. They can connect people. They can bring people to God's Love and Identity.
And, seeing as it's my first post here at No Longer Stone, it kind of seems fitting to give my Testimony in Progress (TiP). (My life isn't over yet! Our whole life is a testimony)
So I've grown up in a Christian home. My dad is a Chaplain in the Army, so I've been under the label: PK my whole life (Pastor's kid!). There's so many expectations of PK's. Some are good, some are bad. We're expected to be perfect. Everybody knows who we are...and we're (like it or not) a representation of our parents. And then you hear about the rebellious PK's who go against everything they ever grew up learning.
I'm going to tell you that I'm neither. I've never been perfect. But I've also never been extraordinarily rebellious.
At the age of three I accepted Jesus into my heart. I actually remember bits of it. We lived on Ft. Cambell at the time. It was night, I was in my little room. I remember my mom was explaining who Jesus is. I thought it was pretty cool, but I didn't really understand at the time. I was only a toddler, after all. Yet, I gave Jesus my life.
When I was in about second grade I was baptized by my dad in our little kiddie pool. You know, at that time we lived in Hawai'i. I'm not sure why I didn't get baptized in the ocean.
So I accepted Jesus and I was baptized--both at young ages. That doesn't mean I was automatically a passionate Christian all my days, the end. Nope. We've still got a long ways to go.
Growing up, I was a bratty, self-absorbed, drama queen of a kid. Of course I went to church and prayed and sang worship songs. Of course Mom and Dad read devotions to us. That doesn't mean I was automatically a passionate Christian. Nope.
I didn't understand who God is...or who I am in God.
Let's fast forward to my middle and high school years.
Being introverted, I've had trouble for most of my life making friends. It's hard to get what's in my head to my mouth without it being awkward for me and other people. Many of my years have seemed utterly lonely in the way of friends and people understanding me. I've also dealt with fear throughout my life.
Near-paralyzing fear of the dark, nightmares, people, being myself...I was an incredibly fearful person. It was my bondage that I kept on tugging down the road. I'd dread going to sleep at night because I was afraid to be alone with my thoughts for the hours it would take me to fall asleep. I'd dread being alone...I was scared.
Not until my family moved to Colorado Springs did I start understanding--a light was shed. After about two years there, we got connected with a church outside of Ft. Carson (the military base we were stationed at) and I began to attend youth group.
Eventually I joined a leadership group with my new friends that I'd made through Bible Study. But I still didn't fully get it. I didn't get who God is. I didn't get that I could let go of my fear--I could be myself and not dread going to sleep at night.
Mini breakthroughs throughout the next two years. Then came 2014. At youth group we had a powerful night of just worship...and got really started breaking chains for me that night. He really started to speak over me and just shower me with Truth.
"Christus Victor!!!" I proclaimed it amid tears: "Christ is Victorious!" "No fear can hinder the Love that made a Way!"
The battle isn't over yet.
While fear diminished and God became more center in my life, I had to commit seriously to Him. Through prayer, worship, reading His Word...it would take patience and discipline on my part.
We moved from Colorado and I went through a busy summer. For a while I was bitter about having to leave. I hated where we'd moved to and I wanted to go back to my friends, mountains, and an amazing church.
But I prayed. And God put in me a new yearning to be where He sent us. And I started to love it. I was excited to see where He'd take me in this new leg of the race.
It's been crazy, but it's been amazing. He's opened doors and I've grown incredible amounts during these last few months. It's been more than anything I could have imagined. And I'm so excited for more!
And though there are struggles along the way in the forms of loneliness and fear...I know He is right by my side, holding my hand, and whispering his Love over me again and again.
So I've chosen to live in faith, trust, hope, courage, and love.
I've chosen to follow God to whatever heights or depths He sees fit to take me.
And I've decided to step out and proclaim it: "I am NOT afraid."
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a Spirit of Power, Love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
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